Eko is one month old and we're drunk on parenting!
These past weeks have been all about resting and basking in our new little person. It's been wonderful and intense, with many hours simply spent with Eko resting on our chests, singing him to sleep, staring into his huge eyes, and sharing the world with him a bit at a time.
It's amazing how much he's changed in this short span. He spends more time awake and curious, holding his head up and wiggling all of his limbs, and even his vocalizations have expanded to include coos, goos, ooos, and a more 'conversational' range of cries.
We've mostly laid low, but Eko has met many of our friends who kindly brought us meals. He also had a sweet visit from his Auntie Maureen, Uncle Cliff, and 5 year old twin cousins Nicholas and Gabriel. Needless to say, he's a huge hit and his cousins were especially thrilled to meet him. He's also been snuggled and sung to by Jade's parents, his only grandparents (Oma and Grandpa), who made him many adorable gifts. And on Jade's first foray out of the house, Eko provided a very cute distraction to her busy coworkers.
For the most part, Eko is a peaceful baby. Like any newborn, he prefers to be in our arms by familiar smells and heartbeats, though as he gets older he's able to take more naps on his own. We struggled at first to make him sleep in his co-sleeper by the bed, but he made it clear that he slept best by our skin, so for the time being, baby is in the bed with us and we all sleep better for it.
Jay is wonderful at singing Eko to sleep and often gives Jade a few hours of respite. Eko happily naps for hours with Daddy in his Sleepy Wrap. For the rare fussy patch, his white-noise-generating Gentle Giraffe (aptly dubbed 'Whitey') is a huge sanity-saver. (The box claims it's a recording of Victoria Falls. It puts us all to sleep.)
Eko has been full of surprises for his new parents. For instance, everyone told us babies love to be swaddled. Not this baby. His very first nickname was Houdini. After being settled down in a tight swaddle, he'd grunt, squirm and fuss until both of his arms were free. We don't even bother anymore. He also doesn't seem to care when his diaper is full, at least not yet.
We didn't realize how noisy babies were when they sleep! During his active REM sleep, Eko goose-honks, squeals, horse whinnies, Frankenstein groans, and even sounds like an old modem connecting. We call him Gosling and Ekophant. It's been fascinating how Jade's sleep has changed to always be partially aware of the baby, able to sleep in almost any position, and feel functional on a disconnected string of naps.
Another oddity: for the first two weeks, he didn't spit up once. We thought we had some kind of magical baby with a stomach of steel....then the surprise projectile vomiting began. It never fails that we've just bathed him, dressed him in something cozy that actually fits, and settled down to gaze at the most peaceful baby expression we've ever seen when...glorp! Surprise! Start over! It helps to have a sense of humor. And we agree, baby clothes are a torture device for parent and baby alike. Eko lived in a blanket his whole first week.
Eko's a great nurser and is filling out nicely. He was born at 7 pounds 6 oz & 20 inches, then dropped to 6 during his first week. We noticed he seemed heavier and his first pajamas were getting short. At his 4-week checkup (our midwife comes to the house to check on him) he was 10 pounds 12 ounces, and 21.75 inches! Any fears Jade had that she wasn't producing enough milk were quickly calmed.
We've begun using cloth diapers with moderate success. We must have a few things to learn as he still surprises us with leaks now and then. Jay dutifully does the washing, and generally everything else around the house while Jade acts as baby-kitchen and baby-mattress. Jade healed up well and is on her feet much more now, but she's still keeping life quiet for her 6 postpartum weeks. This gentle time has helped her and Eko establish a great breastfeeding routine with no breast distress and very minimal hormonal shakiness. Eko has gone on walks swaddled into his newborn wrap as we soak up autumn. This wrap has been wonderful, giving us mobility while still giving him the security of being snuggled close.
All told, the first month has been a big adventure and huge success. We adore being his parents.
Love,
Jade & Jay & Eko
PS
Jade here: I feel a little new as mama to be doling out advice, but if I were to pass on any wisdom from my first month as a mom, it would be this:
The Day Before the Milk
If you're going to breastfeed, the day or two before your milk comes in is insane. Nonstop fussy cranky nursing - you'll think your baby is stuck on 'suck' and will never sleep or feel satiated again. (I dubbed Eko "Sir Sucksalot" during one particularly nerve-wracking night.) But all of that drama gets the milk going - the following day, your disproportionate boobs will shock you. The baby will nurse briefly, look happily surprised, and pass out in a milk-drunk stupor. All will be well. Be patient and don't for a moment feel like you can't produce enough milk. Eventually it will be squirting out of you in a torrent.
Chill Out, Stay Put, Eat & Read Books
These weeks of quiet time have been vital for my well-being. Our midwife urges it for all of her clients. Most other cultures around the world view this period as the time when the equally delicate newborn and mother bond and heal. I was amazed at how inward I became - thinking about bills, politics, and future plans was disorienting and distressing. My heart felt like a delicate flower that had exploded into bloom - I cried happy tears over the smallest things and swooned over my baby. Evolutionarily, it made a ton of sense. But our culture trains us to think we're only adequate if we're busy and accomplishing, go-go-go.
We have to recalibrate our understanding of 'accomplishment' during this time. Acclimating to the needs of my infant is the biggest accomplishment I've ever achieved. There were times when my mind struggled when I'd barely make it to the shower, but as I allowed myself to slow down, I became content and Eko thrived.
For this relatively brief time, your baby needs everything from you. With the right support, you can postpone your busy life (it will be waiting for you, I promise). Your breasts will thank you, your emotions will thank you, and post-partum depression won't be a part of your vocabulary. Enjoy your voracious appetite and feel no guilt reading for hours as you breastfeed.
Breastfeeding Feels AWESOME
Be sure to spend some time with a good lactation consultant or equally wise woman. Breastfeeding is not intuitive, but it's in our genes. Everyone around me focused on how painful it could be if things were amiss, and their warnings were well founded. I've heard a dozen horror stories. But Nature isn't stupid. If you have to feed this kid almost hourly for a long string of days, it's going to have to eventually get pleasant or the species would never have made it. When you nurse, a calming, somewhat stupefying hormone is released. It's lovely. The act of nursing itself can be a hugely relieving, pleasantly ticklish sensation that sends little tingles down your legs. It feels wonderful.
Calm in the Face of Freakouts
When the baby is having a fusspot freakout, try not to absorb their agro emotional state yourself. It's nothing personal, though it's hard to know that in the moment. As a new mom, I'm naturally hyper-sensitive to anything I might be doing Wrong. Eko's mostly a peaceful little guy, but when he's exhausted and breastfeeding, he can get incredibly frustrated. He screams on and off the breast, headbutts my chest, and flails his limbs. It's distressing, but we know at any moment he'll pass out and sleep deeply. Drama over.
At first I got just as agitated as he did - why did my baby get so angry with me during an activity that's usually his favorite, most-soothing time? My anxiety and distress didn't help him, or help me think of any creative solutions. It's difficult, but staying light-hearted and trying not to take it personally gets us through it much more easily.
I imagine this is a parenting tool we'll need to rely on in a thousand upcoming situations.
On the way back from a 5-hour trek to Jade's parents' house in upstate NY, Jay remarked, "We left with a baby and came back with a little boy." Truly, Eko has left behind his "4th trimester" and is fully present in the world.
with him in the theater staircase below the speakers, but once there, Eko sat happily in Jay's arms and raptly watched the whole movie. He also loves to watch us play Just Dance on the Xbox Kinect and laughs. He zones on the Mac's psychedelic screensaver and wood stove fire with equal amazement.
Gone are the days when he would passively recline in our arms for hours on end. Life is for the wiggling! He loves to sit up, though he's still working on holding his own balance. He "stands" with our help and pops his head right up anytime he's on his belly. He can hold on to cloths and small toys. Yesterday he picked up a toy in his left hand, brought it to his mouth, switched hands, and put it down with his right. He also loves to grab our noses and his feet.
His eyebrows are very expressive! As with all things baby, his moods, both good and bad, change quickly. In general he's a calm and contented little person. While visiting his Grandpa and Oma, everyone really connected. Eko giggled hysterically from Grandpa's zerberts and cackled gleefully at Oma's songs.
Eko got his first post-birth vaccine last week. Usually he sees our naturopath, but it's a hassle for her office to get all the vaccines, so we visited the local pediatrician. As she walked in the door, she took one look at Eko and said, "Well, you're clearly thriving." For his height, his weight is perfectly average, but for a 3 month old, he's pretty big! 16 pounds and almost 26" tall. He grows out of his clothes practically before our eyes.
Luckily the crying didn't recur and he was back to normal the next morning. We're going by a slower, leaner vaccine schedule with most vaccines being given one shot at a time a month apart, and I just hope each shot won't cause him so much discomfort. He's also working through his first headcold that we all caught. Lots of steamy showers with babe in bouncer, lots of humidifying, and snot-extractor research.
Jade returns to work at the beginning of January, and pumping at work will be the next mommy-badge to earn. She's sad to be away from Eko so much of the day, but of all jobs, hers will let her have a gentle transition, with some work from home and modified schedules. Best of all, even though she won't be with Eko all day, he'll be with Jay, just as when he's at work, he has the reassurance that Eko is with her. We'll figure it out as we go, and gradually find a balance.
